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politics #
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herzl #
altneuland..."And how did it turn out? Exactly the opposite. A trash bin of racism, nationalism, militarism, hatred, religious zealotry, discrimination against women, paganism, cruelty, tyranny and corruption. Rabbis in barracks and generals in synagogues, And I am responsible for all this? No way.- by Haaretz, 12.08.2024
The coming weekend, August 17, 2024, marks 75 years since Theodor Herzl was reinterred on Mount Herzl. I thought it only proper to drop by for a short visit, to ask him what's up and what's been going on and how he's doing. To be a little polite.
I went over one night, late-ish. I didn't want people to see me sitting there, speaking to a black tombstone. When I arrived, I was surprised to see Theodor himself sitting on the stone, carefully folding his shrouds. He was wearing his evening frock coat, and of course next to him was his famous top hat.
"Theodor!" I said, "What are you doing out? And why are you folding those shrouds? And where did you get the frock coat and the top hat?"
"You ask a lot of questions," he replied. "So here goes: I am a German Jew, so I don't leave a mess behind. So I folded the shrouds nicely. The frock coat and top hat came with me from Vienna 75 years ago, I asked for them to be put in the casket with me. Check out those Viennese tailors – see, they look like they're new." He lovingly caressed his lapel.
"But how did you come out of your grave?" I pressed on. "Your tombstone weighs 16 tons!"
Theo gave me an amused look, "Like everybody else – I dug a tunnel. Been working on it for 30 years, since Rabin was assassinated."
I was silent. "Surely you realize," he continued, "that I sometimes toy with visions. This vision, that vision. After Rabin's assassination I saw, in my up-to-date vision, where all this was leading. So I started to dig."
"What did you dig with?" I kept harassing him. "At first, with my fingernails," he replied, "then, when I could get a hand out, somebody had a picnic here and left behind a spoon. If they were nice and would have also left their knife and fork, I'd be long gone."
"And now what?" I asked.
"Now – to go home!" he said, raising his voice slightly. "To my poor family's mausoleum. Away from here. Away from the greatest failure of my life. From the state that holds me responsible for everything that has happened. I cannot take this anymore!"
"But you did write…" I dared to say, "You envisioned, organized, fought."
"Not true!" He was really mad now. "Not true! I did not write just one book on the idea of a Jewish state. I wrote two. You may have only read 'The Jewish State' – but that's not a vision. That's just a plan. I wrote the real vision in my second book. It's called 'Altneuland.' That's where the vision is! But nobody reads it, knows of it or teaches it. You called it 'Tel Aviv' in translation, and that is all that is left of it.
"I envisioned," he continued, "an enlightened state, with equality regardless of nationality, religion or gender. A state that maintains its generals in the barracks and its priests in synagogues. A state that was aware of the danger inherent in nationalism, extremist religion, racism. A state whose citizens and leaders are from all the peoples living in it. An enlightened state.
"And how did it turn out? Exactly the opposite. A trash bin of racism, nationalism, militarism, hatred, religious zealotry, discrimination against women, paganism, cruelty, tyranny and corruption. Rabbis in barracks and generals in synagogues, And I am responsible for all this? No way.
"I wanted 'Altneuland' – and you built 'Neualtland': a historical dinosaur yearning for animals slaughtered for God, and for a messiah who will surely escape from here just like me…
"How do I get from here to Ben-Gurion Airport?" he concluded.
"There's nothing for you there. No flights," I replied.
"Shit," he mumbled, "screwed again," and laid down his top hat.
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https://www.haaretz.com/opinion/2024-08-12/ty-article-opinion/.premium/what-theodor-herzl-would-say-about-todays-israel/00000191-47c1-d5d7-a3bf-e7e34c760000freed from the paywall by
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